


happy heart happy home

by torigates



Category: Psy-Changeling - Nalini Singh
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 14:04:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1094786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A special moment with Naya causes Sascha to reach out to her own mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	happy heart happy home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spyglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spyglass/gifts).



Sascha woke one Sunday morning to Lucas creeping quietly out of their bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked, reaching out for him.

He stroked her forehead, brushing her hair off her face. "I'll be right back," he told her. Go back to sleep."

His voice sounded loud in their bedroom, even though he was whispering. She could tell it was still mostly dark out, only the faintest traces of light making its way through the drawn curtains.

She didn't mean to fall back asleep, but it was still warm under the covers where Lucas had vacated their bed, and between one breath and the next she found herself lulled back to sleep.

The next time she opened her eyes, it was much brighter, the sun shining cheerfully through the window. Lucas was standing in their bedroom doorway, a tray with food on it perched precariously over one arm, Naya supported on one hip in the other.

"What's this?" she asked sitting up.

Lucas walked across their room setting Naya down gently on their bed. Her baby immediately crawled over and settled herself in Sascha's lap, smiling up at her.

"Hello, my darling," Sascha said, bending over to kiss the top of her daughter's head.

Naya babbled happily, swinging her chubby fists back and forth in the way that made Lucas say proudly that she was going to be a fighter when she grew up. Sascha didn't much care what she grew up to be, as long as it was happy.

She cuddled Naya for a few moments, before looking up and seeing Lucas staring at the two of them.

"Remembered I was here, did you?" he asked.

She laughed and stuck her tongue out at him. There wasn't anyone in the world who could take her attention away from Lucas--except maybe Naya.

"Don't pout," she told him. "If I recall correctly you got plenty of attention from me last night."

"If _I_ recall correctly, last night was entirely mutual. In fact, you might have come out on top, if we're keeping score."

She laughed and rolled her eyes at him.

"What's all this?" she asked, gesturing to the tray of breakfast foods he had set down on the bed, safely out of Naya's reach.

"Don't get upset," he started in a low voice.

She looked at him sharply. In her experience anything Lucas started with 'don't get upset,' was definitely something she should be getting upset about.

She raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Okay," he said, sounding a bit nervous. "There's a tradition that humans and Changelings follow. It's definitely more of a human tradition, but lots of Packs follow it as well."

"Okay," Sascha said, not sure what there was to be upset about yet.

"It's a chance to celebrate," he paused. "Well, mothers. Mother's Day," he said.

Sascha stared at him.

"And... that's today?" she asked.

He nodded. "It's not a big deal," he paused. "Well it is. It's important. _You're_ important. I just thought this could be something for you and Naya to share."

When she met his gaze, he looked so painfully earnest and hopeful. She could feel those emotions being reflected back at her through the Web of Stars, the love he felt for her and for Naya, and his desire to bring them good things. She felt her eyes sting with tears, and she leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you," she said. "This is wonderful. Thank you."

He scooted up the bed, shifting until they were sitting side by side against the headboard, their shoulders pressed together. Naya was still in her lap, and he had the tray of food balancing on his thighs.

He held out a piece of bacon, and she bit into it gratefully. The flavours exploded in her mouth, still a shock after all this time. She hoped she never got over the surprise and shock of tasting delicious food.

"Mmm," she said.

"Good?" he asked.

She nodded, and he held out a glass of orange juice. She took a few sips, and they continued to share the meal, him passing her bites of bacon, fried potatoes, and scrambled eggs between sips of juice and coffee.

The rest of the morning passed in a typical fashion, and in the afternoon, they went to celebrate with Tammy and Nate and some of the other pack mothers.

It was a good day.

Yet, when they got into bed that night, Sascha couldn't shake the feeling of discomfort.

Mother's Day.

Of course the Psy wouldn't celebrate something they viewed as duty. It was the responsibility of every good Psy to pass on their genes, and in doing so they were securing their own genetic legacy. Nothing more, nothing less.

Still, the more time Sascha spent outside the Net, the more she began to realise there were more Psy out there like her, and not just the ones who defected. Everyday Psy were living their lives experiencing emotion, and as much as it made her happy--overjoyed, even--for them, for her people, it also made her ache for her own mother.

Sascha was beginning to understand that her mother's motivations weren't always what they appeared to be, but it still hurt. It hurt knowing that Nikita knew what Sascha was and that she had tried to stifle her daughter's gifts, even if it was for Sascha's own good. It hurt the way her mother had treated her all her life, and that Nikita had disowned her.

Sascha knew she should be rational. She knew that Nikita did what she did to protect her from rehabilitation. Rationality had never been her strong suit.

Irrational and emotional as it might have been, Sascha found herself unable to stop thinking about it, found herself wanting desperately to talk to her mother. She knew calling was never a good idea unless she wanted nothing but cool professionalism from Nikita, so the next day she decided she would make a trip to her mother's offices.

"Bye, baby," she said giving Naya a kiss on the top of her head. "Baby," she said to Lucas.

He smiled at her. "Are you sure you're okay? Do you want me to come with you? I'm sure I could get Tammy to watch out for this one," he said gesturing to their daughter.

She smiled and kissed him again. "I'm sure. Thank you for offering. I love you."

He nodded, still looking worried. "You know I don't like seeing you upset," he said. "And she always upsets you. I don't think she can help it."

Sascha nodded. "I know. And I think," she paused collecting her thoughts. "I think this is the kind of hurt I need to feel. Does that make sense?"

Lucas nodded, but he looked unhappy about it.

"Think of it this way," she said with a smile. "If I come home sad, you get to think of all kinds of fun ways to cheer me up."

He grinned. "I think I can _definitely_ manage that," he told her.

She kissed him again. "Oh, I have no doubt."

Despite her earlier confidence, Sascha found herself feeling more and more nervous the closer she got to Nikita's offices. This place had been such a big part of her life for so many years, and now she felt completely distanced from it. Almost like it was another lifetime, another person who lived all those years inside the Net.

Despite that, Sascha found it hard to wish she had never lived it. She was Psy. There was no getting around that, no matter how much pain it caused her. Just like Lucas couldn't get around his own bloody past. It was something she lived through, and it made her who she was. Led her to Lucas and the family she had now.

Sascha knew better than to simply show up at Nikita's offices without an appointment and attempt to be seen. She had called an arranged a scheduled meeting. The closer she got to the building, she found her shoulders and back tensing up, her posture changing, drawing inwards, as if she were that person she used to be.

"Sascha," Nikita said, no trace of emotion in her face besides cruel recognition. "What can I do for you?"

Sascha walked into the office, and perched on the edge of the chair across from Nikita.

Sascha opened her mouth to--well, she wasn't sure exactly what she hoped to accomplish. She imagined telling Nikita about Mother's Day, and getting a blank, empty stare in return. Thought about trying to convey how it had felt to spend that time with her family, how _she_ felt, all the time.

She opened her mouth to say all this, and realised it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference. Even if Nikita _did_ feel any of those things, she would never show them in the way that Sascha wanted her to, and while maybe that would never be all right, it didn't have to keep hurting all the time.

The point, she realised, was seeing her mother. If not accepting her on Nikita's terms, then at least acknowledging those differences.

"I just wanted to discuss this contract," she said pulling up the latest Duncan-DarkRiver deal on her organizer.

Nikita leaned forward and they talked business for the next forty-five minutes.

"Sascha," Nikita said, once they had finished their meeting and she was almost out the door.

She turned to face Nikita, trying to keep a mild expression on her face.

Nikita seemed to pause for a long moment, as if considering her words carefully. "Thank you for coming," she said eventually. "That was quite productive."

Sascha nodded, and left.

"How'd it go?" Lucas asked her that night over dinner. "You're in suspiciously good spirits."

She smiled. "It's fine," she said.

He looked at her.

"It's not fine," she admitted. "But she is who she is, and I don't think she's going to change. I don't think she even could change." She paused. "I don't know, I guess I realised I wouldn't be where I am today without her, for better or for worse."

She shrugged.

"I love you," he told her seriously. "So much."

She smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I love you too."

They finished their dinner. "What're the chances of this one going down early?" he asked, tickling Naya's stomach. "Do you think we could get some alone time?"

They'd make it, she realised. Just as they'd make their own traditions, new traditions. Maybe those old wounds inside both of them would never fully heal, but the edges were softer now, didn't hurt as much to touch.

It was enough.


End file.
